Effective Business Letters

Gentlemen:

Thank you for your letter of the 23^rd inst. Requesting information about our company. The XYZ Pest Management Company has been privileged to serve business establishments and domiciles located in the area for over a half-century. During the course of of this long period we have garnered the accolades of hundreds of grateful customers. Pest control-wise we have consistently succeeded in our mission of exterminating vermin of every description and under the most adverse conditions. Our talented service force is experienced and equal to the task of pursuing any pest problem.

If we can be of service, kindly let us know. Thanking you for your inquiry, we beg to remain,

Very truly yours,

It’s not hard to see that a letter such as this would tarnish whatever positive image Steve W. and his pest management company had generated during an initial customer contact. Pompous, shot full of phrases that are out of fashion, self-important, overblown and crippled with clichés, this is the kind of a letter guaranteed to turn any reader off.

But old Steve is by no means an isolated case. Throughout the business world today there are thousands of executives who write "flourishes" of this kind. Letter writers forget one cardinal rule: business letters should be spoken, not written. Successful business letters are delivered to the reader just as though he were sitting across the table from you, listening to you deliver the message. They should be straight-to-the-point, using simple, everyday language and an economy of words. Shakespeare’s "brevity is the soul of wit" in Hamlet is particularly applicable in business letter writing.

L.E. Frailey, one of the country’s best known authorities in business correspondence, describes a successful business letter this way: "In reality you put your thoughts on paper, then you jump into an envelope and travel to where the reader lives or works. Out you pop with a friendly handclasp, ready to tell your readers why they should give you an order, or pay their past due bills, or merely that you like them a lot as customers and will continue to serve them the best that you can."

There are no hard and fast rules in business letter writing. However, it has been shown that readers will respond favorably to letters that attempt to follow these guidelines: 1) don’t waste words; 2) keep the language lively and simple; 3) personalize your letters; 4) emphasize the positive; and 5) use correct letter form.

Most business letter problems involve language barriers. Since the language we use in our correspondence goes a long way in determining how successful our contact with the reader will be, it follows that careful attention should be paid to the way we say what we mean to say.

Times have changed. Years ago letters were very formal. The language was cold and stiff and it was common to end letters with such flowery expressions as, "Your obedient servant," "Faithfully yours," or "We beg to remain." Such stylized language, of course, should have gone out with the buggy whip. But for some strange reason, such stilted language still finds its way into a surprising number of letters every business day. "We herewith take the liberty of acknowledging your letter of recent date," "Attached hereto you will please find same," "Thanking you very kindly, we beg to remain" are typical examples of "chestnuts" that have no place in today’s business letters.

Rohy Poe, in The McGraw Hill Handbook of Business Letters, has coined the phrase "federalese" to explain stuffy, overblown language attributed to the federal government, language which sadly crept into the business letter vernacular. Government agencies and the legal profession seem to be particularly drawn to this kind of writing. Here is an example of this "showoff" style as compared with the natural style that should be an example for modern business correspondence:

Federalese: "Your recalcitrance in expediting payment of your obligations obviates consideration of credit privileges and we foresee no viable alternative than cancellation of aforesaid privileges."

Natural: "I’m sorry, Mr. Baxter, that we are not able to offer you additional credit. I’m sure you know the reason. You still owe us money that we haven’t been able to collect."

Or closer to home:

Federalese: "The expeditious manner in which you executed our high priority order for bait blocks is hereby gratefully acknowledged."

Natural: "The bait blocks arrived this morning, and I’d like to thank you for the fast service."

Are you ize-and-wise bound? Being ize-and-wise bound is being a slave to the "ize" and "wise" suffixes. You prioritize, maximize, strategize and finalize. Or you cover the bases with rodentwise, controlwise, environmentalwise, cockroachwise and many other unwise wises. This language "shorthand" is the mark of the lazy writer manufacturing ugly words that have no place in the business world.

Another all too common assault on the language these days comes from using nouns as verbs. When you say, "How will the pesticide impact the environment?" instead of "What kind of an impact will the pesticide have on the environment?" you’re defiling the efforts of your English teacher in the sixth grade.

As a businessperson you probably get mountains of mail, most of which you regard as unimportant and a waste of time to plow through. It should therefore be easy to appreciate the value of letters that are neat, brief and come right to the point. The problem is that too much mail is burdened with overly long, unnecessary words and sentences that seem unending.

The three R’s. On close examination it is amazing how many overblown words and phrases you can spot in business letters these days. L.E. Frailey refers to them as "the 3 R’s of repetition, redundancy and recapping." Why, for example, write: "It came at a time when we were busy" instead of "It came when we were busy" or why write "It will cost the sum of $50" rather than "It will cost $50?" And how about "canceling out" an appointment?

You should take heed not to be a "doubler". A doubler is a person who never uses one word if he can use two to say the same thing. When he writes a letter he’ll extend sincere and earnest good wishes, he’ll be first and foremost interested in something, and finally, in conclusion, will close with a fond and fervent hope that the reader will take action.

There are also writers who use their pet words and hang onto them to the point of no return. The following gem is a good example: "You asked about the mouse bait we put down. You should know that the bait we use is slow-acting, and a dog who got into the bait would have to eat a whole lot of the bait before getting sick. All baits we use are EPA-registered. When our technicians put baits down, they take care to put the baits in out-of-the-way places that can’t be reached by pets and children."

With bated breath the reader had an urge to tell the writer that it was perfectly acceptable to use words synonymous with "bait," such as "rodenticide", "material," "poison" or "compound."

Razor-sharp cuts. Finally, business letter writers intent on maintaining good relations with their clientele should be alert to so-called "razor words," words that can sneak into letters and cause offense: "We at XYZ Pest control can’t understand your failure to pay the bill." "Your complaint about our not treating the basement…" "It seems strange that your neighbor was satisfied," "We didn’t think you were the type to cancel your service."

Each of the italicized words, even though they may have been unintentionally written, could cause offense to the reader.

There are other gaffes and miscues that fall into business correspondence. It should be apparent at this point that business letters shouldn’t be intimidating. Instead, they are written as if you were giving your message orally.

PART TWO

Last month, staff correspondent Bob Berns examined common mistakes PCOs make when writing business letters. This month, he reviews the basic elements of writing effective business letters.

We have seen that the business letter writer must make a conscientious effort to keep the language of the business letter simple. He should guard against the use of clichés and cheap expressions, he must not waste words, and he is advised to personalize his letters using a friendly style. There is one other important consideration we might mention which we call the "You" attitude.

As opposed to the personal letter, the business letter is always aimed at inducing the reader to take some action desired by the writer. The business letter, therefore, is a letter of persuasion that emphasizes the perspective of the recipient of the letter.

Nine times out of ten in a personal letter we use the "I" attitude. We generally count on the reader’s interest in the writer in the "I" letter, and the writer’s thoughts and feelings are predominant. But with the business letter in which the writer attempts to get the reader to act, it is the reader’s thoughts and feelings that are paramount. Here the writer shines the spotlight on the reader and really can’t afford an "I" attitude.

Initial impressions. Readers get an initial impression of a writer and his business organization even before they read a word of the letter. Just as you wouldn’t think of showing up on a sales call appearing sloppy and unkempt, you can’t afford to write a letter that is poorly spaced, full of erasures and typed on inferior paper. You must make every effort to insure that by its very make-up, your letter will reflect neatness, accuracy and competence.

Roy W. Poe, the author of The McGraw-Hill Handbook of Business Letters, says, "The quality of the paper, letterhead design, placement of the message on the page, and letter style all have something to say about an organization. A weakness in any of these elements can detract from the effectiveness of the message, even though it is expertly written."

The basics. At this point, let’s review the basic elements of an effective business letter.

Paper. Paper quality is based on weight. Most business correspondents use a 20-pound bond with a 25 percent fiber (rag) content. However, a 16-pound bond of the same rag content is acceptable. Bond paper comes in a wide variety of finishes - smooth, fluorescent, ripple, etc. You can choose one of the available standard finishes, or you can have paper made with your own watermark. Envelopes and second sheets should always match the letterhead in quality and finish.

Color. White is the most widely used color of paper. However, light tints of gray, blue, antique ivory, green, etc. are also popular.

Size. The standard size of letterhead paper is 8-1/2 by 11 inches. However, for personal and social use, some executives frequently choose 7-1/2 by 10-1/2 or 5-1/2 by 8-1/2.

Letterhead. Your letterhead has two purposes. It is your identification, and it gives the reader essential information about your company such as name, address and telephone number. You want it to be attractive and impressive, and you want it to be clear and readable. Avoid fussy lettering and fancy symbols. Since the average reader is turned off by depictions of pests, PCOs are well advised to keep the symbols off stationery of all kinds.

Style and lay-out. There are three popular styles; semiblock, blocked and full-blocked. Each style has its own partisans and all are good looking. Assuming the letter has good balance, any of them is perfectly acceptable. A brief review of each follows:

• Semiblocked style: In the semiblocked style the dateline starts in the middle of the page, as does the complimentary close.

• Blocked style: The only difference between the semiblocked style and the blocked style is that in the blocked style the paragraphs are not indented.

• Full-blocked style: Here everything in the letter is placed flush with the left margin: dateline, inside address, salutation, paragraph openings, complimentary close, writer’s name and so on.

Margins. Leave at least a 1-inch margin on the left side of the letter. The right side is about the same size. If the letter is a short one, it is acceptable to increase the side margins to 2 inches or more.

The margin at the bottom is usually one and one-half times the size of the side margins. Of course, when you have a letterhead, the top margin is already set.

Regarding placement of the letter, any trained secretary can tell from the quantity of the text how to place the message to get eye-appealing symmetry. The object should be to create a letter that looks like a picture in a frame.

Spacing. Business letters are almost always single-spaced with one blank line between paragraphs. Also there is always one blank line between the inside address and the salutation ("Dear Mr. Smith") and between the salutation and the first line of he message. The complimentary close ("Cordially yours") is two spaces below the last line of the letter, while four spaces are reserved for the signature.

Business correspondence authorities advise that for a short letter of only a few paragraphs, it is permissible to use double spacing (but not in the inside address). When using double-spacing, there is no additional space between paragraphs.

Salutation. When writing to individuals always use their name if you know it.

Dear Fred (Personal friend or close business associate).

Dear Dr. Wolff

Dear Miss Williams

Dear Ms. Diaz (when addressing a woman whose marital status is not known or when you think it is her preference.

If you are addressing an individual whose name and sex are not known, such as a purchasing agent, director of personnel, president of a company, etc., use this format:

Director of Personnel
Reed Products Corporation
113 St. Clair Ave.
Portland, OR 97209

Dear Sir or Madame:

When writing to an organization instead of an individual, the following is appropriate:

Acorn Mills
4415 N. Elston Ave.
Chicago, IL 60630

Ladies and Gentlemen:

It should be noted that while "Gentlemen" was once used automatically in business letter, some consider this sexist, and now "Dear Sir or Madame" or "Ladies and Gentlemen" is accepted.

Complimentary close. Along with opening a letter with a friendly greeting, it should be closed with an expression of cordiality. Typical forms are "Yours truly", "Yours sincerely" or "Yours very truly", where the relationship if formal. Note that "Yours sincerely," "Sincerely yours" and "Cordially yours" indicate rising degrees of intimacy.

Other elements. There are other special elements to be considered in business correspondence. These include:

Attention line. Often misunderstood, the attention line is used when a letter is addressed to an individual in a firm but is not intended for him or her exclusively, or is intended to be routed to a certain department. Letters are thus addressed at the attention of an individual instead of to him or to her directly. If the person is away, the letter will not be held up but will be acted upon by someone taking that person’s place. The attention line is usually placed between the inside address and the salutation either at the left or the center of the line.

The John Brown Company
710 West 10^th St.
New York, NY 10001

Attention Mr. Harold Jones, Sales Manager

Ladies and Gentlemen:

Note that since the letter is addressed to the company, "Ladies and Gentlemen" is used instead of "Dear Mr. Jones."

Signature. It is disrespectful not to personally sign a letter. If the writer’s secretary signs for him or her, the secretary should put her initials under the signature to make that fact clear.

With regard to a woman’s marital status, new attitudes haven’t come into business correspondence. A married woman who wishes to use her maiden name in parenthesis should add her married name in parenthesis (Mrs.). According to Dr. Harry W. Rudman, an authority on the subject who co-authored Business Letter Writing Made Simple, a widow retains her married name unless she takes legal steps to resume her maiden name, and a divorcee retains her former husband’s surname but may not use his initials or first name.

At least four spaces are allotted between the writer’s inked signature and the typed writer’s name. Then, if applicable, the writer’s title or company position follows on the line immediately below.

Where the company name is included in the signature, it is typed one or two lines below the complimentary close.

Enclosure line. Bear in mind that the enclosure line is not for the person to whom the letter is addressed; information concerning the enclosure is included in the text of the message. Instead, the enclosure line is intended as a reminder for the mailing clerk or the secretary to include the enclosure in the mail. It is generally typed inconspicuously and under a secretary’s initials as the abbreviation "Encl."

Additional sheets. If a letter is longer than one page the extra pages should be of the same paper stock but without the letterhead imprint. Business correspondence instructors recommend that a continuation line with the addressee’s name (the person to whom the letter is addressed), the page number, and the date be typed at the top of each additional page of a letter. An example:

Mr. L. Smith - 2 - February 1, 1990

There should be a minimum of three lines of text besides the complimentary close and the signature on the final page of a business letter. This might require the retyping of the preceding page to make this possible.

Carbon copies. In view of the widespread use of photocopies carbon copies are often called courtesy copies, and in some offices c for copy and pc for photocopy is used in place of the cc for carbon copy.

The carbon copy notation showing the distribution of courtesy copies to other individuals should be aligned flush left and typed two lines below the signature block if there are no other notations or initials or two lines below any other notations.

Postscript. A postscript is aligned flush left and is typed two to four lines - depending on available space - below the last notation. The P.S. notation is not necessary in a business letter.

Envelopes. Inasmuch as the first part of your letter to be seen by the recipient is the envelope, it is obvious that as much care should be taken with it as with the letter itself. It is naturally of the same paper stock as the letter, and the address should be typed in such a way as to be in balance with the printing on the upper left-hand corner if it exists, or it should be carefully framed if your return address is imprinted on the flap in back.

With the common number ten envelope, the letter should be folded from the bottom to a little over a third of the page. Then fold the top third down over the bottom fold and crease firmly again.

New equipment. No discussion of business letter writing would be complete without mention of the mechanical writing equipment available. In recent years there have been tremendous changes. Manually operated typewriters - those relics that were often the scourge of secretaries having to wrestle with changing their cloth and silk ribbons - are now virtually collector’s items. They were replaced with electric and electronic typewriters with ribbons encased in cartridges. These, in turn, have given way to sophisticated computerized word processing units. At what point is the computerized letter writing equipment an honest-to-goodness necessity? A rule of thumb is if your company generates up to 20 letters a day, two reports a week, and perhaps four or five special writing tasks a month, any good office typing system should suffice. Beyond that, more elaborate and more expensive equipment may be necessary.

___ Bob Berns

The author is a staff correspondent for Pest Control Technology magazine.